I'm still kicking. In fact, I feel way better than I have in a while. I think as I've distanced myself I've gained a lot of perspective on things and what I want going forward. I think Im ready to rejoin the world of the living.
Other than that I've been doing a whole lot of nothing creatively but I plan to change that soon. I've been working and playing way too much fortnite lmao. The TADC collab roped me back in and now I can't stop playing aaaa. I also finally beat BOTW on Master mode for the first time! I lowkey wish I recorded myself doing it rip. Ive never died so much in a Zelda game.
Creatively, I've been dealing with an issue where I have so many ideas but I just can't seem to latch onto a medium and stick to it. This has been my issue for a big long while and I know I have the potential to do anything I set my mind to but... Idk... Something is blocking me. But I'm also not that bothered about it either.
I made a friend about a month ago that sorta just fell into my life and we've been talking more than I'm used to talking to anyone. I never have the energy to really talk to people often because of my isolated nature (im a better friend from a distance) but despite this I can't wait for their replies. I absolutely light up and I have yet to feel tired of our ongoing conversations. Not to mention how fast we clicked.... It scares me because my paranoid trauma ridden brain is going "what do they want from me" but they seem so genuine it's undeniable they genuinely just like me. It's crazy how much I've opened up to them considering how locked down I am and how hard it is to let anyone in. We've started hanging out in VRChat recently and it only anchors my connection with them. I have a feeling I've found a friend for life... Or at least for a very long time.
Work has been getting worse tho. I feel like there has been so many negative changes to my work environment, it's making me stressed to even think about going in and it sucks because this was the first job I looked forward to going to every day. I have friends there and I feel like every day is rewarding... So I am very protective of my job and peace I've made there. Then they hired someone who is making so many changes... So many shitty changes it's driving my crazy. It feels like more and more each day my voice means less and less. I feel like it's a sign that my next chapter needs to start but idk what to even do... I don't have time to even do anything I'm passionate about.
Honestly it feels like everything happening the past few months has been giving me that feeling more and more. The feeling of wanting to leave and go somewhere new, start a new job, take a risk so that I can possibly live better now that I'm healing. I don't want to be trapped where I am forever. If someone came to me tomorrow saying they could help me find the road I need to be on, Id drop everything and head out...i need a car first tho...
So, car first, maybe a van, and then head out on the road for bigger more greener pastures. I honestly just hate how much every where I go in this town just reminds me of something negative in my life.
I'm thinking of getting back into content creation. Maybe not live streaming but instead pre-recorded videos. I need to figure out more time to do that tho... But I miss recording gameplay videos and I think that's the downside of erasing my old identity online. Not that anyone would recognize me if I revealed my voice or Anything.
For now I spend my free time in VRChat!
As for website updates, by the time you read this, Ive already updated my websites look and feel. I'm still such a beginner to building a website so any new feature I add takes so long for me to figure out. Buuut I've come a long way from knowing absolutely nothing. I've also come a long way from relying on AI to "learn". Some of the worst parts of building my website is slowly removing the AI shit without breaking entire parts of my site... But I'll get there.
I think once my website is how I like it, Ill have some QR code stickers printed out and tag random locations irl with them... I'm curious what traffic ill get from them.
Final thing i wanna say is I'm gonna start writing more blogs just to type what I'm thinking. If I wait for me to have some deeply thought out topic to talk about, ill only upload once every other month if I'm lucky x.x so basic updates it is. This is a personal blog, not a professional journalist website. I put too much pressure on myself to write.